I have learned I am not strong enough to do this thing we call life on my own. My struggles and failures are many and I face many demons each and every day. I do things I shouldn't, and some of the choices I make are not good for me, my mind, body and often times soul.
I long for and hold onto the hope that one day the struggle of this world will fade! I try to keep my head up, my arms open, my mind focused on the big picture and encourage others to turn to the Father with their struggles and often times I am dealing with the same issues but not taking my own advice.
I so desperately want to seek and serve the Lord in all areas of my life but yet day after day I find myself in the same position, just making it through another day. I know that God has so much more for me in my short life on this Earth. When will I stop playing games with him and start genuinely seeking his will for my life?
He has begun to reveal many areas I need improvement on and I have been ignoring him even though I know he knows best...I've realized I need accountability in my life, I need to seek it wholeheartedly and pray for the right people whom I trust to come along side me and encourage me, pray for me about my struggles and help me to focus on God to get through these struggles. I am always trying to fix everyone else, but do not try and fix my own issues. I can hand out all kinds of advice, good or bad all day long but do I take advice from others? NO! Do I seek wise counsel? NO! Do I practice what I preach? Often times the answer is NO!
First and foremost I am not healthy and this weighs on my mind heavily.... yet I continue to make unhealthy choices. I tend to pray for others that are struggling in this area but do I pray about this for myself? NO! I watch others that are making small steps to better their health and long for it but do nothing about it. I want those of you that are making better choices for yourselves to know you are an encouragement for me and for many others but I also know that if I do not cover this area in my life with prayer I will fail as I have been for so many years. If I do not strive to get my health under control I cannot achieve the other areas in my life that need my attention. Lord help me to get my health under control, I am not strong enough to do this task on my own!
Second, I am struggling being a good wife, I am not! I have been with my husband for 26 years, and when you have been with someone so long you tend to take them for granted and if you do not make a conscience effort to make your marriage a priority you can start being complacent and unappreciative. Having twin boys at the age of 40 really threw us both for a loop.. let me tell you! My life consists of working a very demanding full time job, raising twins which has been very difficult with all kinds of medical and trying times, trying to raise my beautiful daughter to know the Lord and helping her to find her place in life, caring for a young man who lives with us in our home part time and it just seems the wife thing and myself always seem to come last. God is revealing to me that if I don't take care of myself I won't be around to take care of the ones I love. I am watching many people lose their spouses and when I watch the grief this brings to them I always say I am going to appreciate my husband more for what he does for my family, I am going to kiss and hug him more and tell him I love him more. I am going to strive to be a better wife to him and give him the love he deserves and that I promised to give him when we took our vows before God. I say I am going to be friends with him instead of enemies and show our children what a happy, healthy marriage is suppose to look like through God's eyes. But do I? NO! I have family and friends whose marriages mirror what God had in mind when He created this union between husband and wife, and although they to struggle and have gone through hard times they have chosen not to give up, they have strived to make each day count with their spouse, and they have worked hard to make sure their spouse feels love and appreciated! I look to you and your healthy and loving relationships and long to have one but do I do anything about it? NO! Do I cover my marriage in prayer daily? NO! My husband deserves to have a wife who is emotionally and physically healthy, one who is attentive and attractive and not to busy or tierd for him, one who loves him in a way he knows that he is loved and appreciated without a doubt! Lord please help me to be the wife you called me to be, I am not strong enough to do this task on my own!
Third, my children deserve my undivided attention and I am usually so busy with all that needs to get done to fully give them the attention they need and deserve. My desire is to be the best mom to my children, to leave a lasting legacy and to be patient, kind and attentive to them. I want to smile more, play with them more, snuggle them more, dance with them more, talk with them and truly listen to them but most importantly I want to teach them about God and the things that truly matter in this world. I want to equip them with God's tools to make good decisions, wisdom and discernment and to always stay grounded in the Truth. I want to spend less time being overwhelmed with what I have to get done on my long to do list and ask God to help me to see that they are only little for just awhile and that I MUST cherish every moment and make it count. I know so many mothers that strive for these things with their children and are indeed doing very well with this area of their lives and I look to you for advice and watch how you interact and it helps but what I am lacking is that I am not seeking God daily on this area of my life and when I do I must say I do pretty good but when I don't and I try and do this in my own strength I fail miserably. Lord, please help me to be the kind of mother you called me to be, I am not strong enough to face this task on my own!
I could truly write a book on the struggles I face on a daily basis, we all have struggles, we may struggle in different ways, but we all have them... these are the three most challenging struggles I face at the moment, they are the ones I desire to change and I realize I can only do this when I turn away from my old ways of doing things and begin to allow God to change me. I need to seek accountability and have a deep desire to change and most importantly I need to begin to seek God in prayer daily about these issues! I am not happy with the results I am getting now so I can chose to change maybe even little bits at a time or I can stay where I'm at and wonder how it would feel to finally be free of these struggles I face on a daily basis once and for all.
I would like to thank my dear friends who have been beside me as I face these issues in my life, thank you for encouraging me, laughing with me, crying with me and praying for me when I have asked you too. You know who you are and I love you!
My health, My husband, My children...my deepest desire is to give my all to these 3 areas of my life! What are you struggling with today? Begin this journey with me of praying about it, seeking an accountability partner, asking others to pray for you and beginning to make small changes so it isn't so overwhelming. I'm not strong enough to do this on my own...Are you?
God Bless You All,
Angie Goucher
....................................................................................................................................................................
Mathew 11:28
"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
God bless,
Mariah Goucher
No comments:
Post a Comment